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Easing the farm burden
Farm couples find stress relief, honest feedback in retreats
By Mikkel Pates, The Grand Fords Herald
November 27, 2000
 
DETROIT LAKES, Minn. -- 

Unloading.  Honest feedback.  Those are benefits that David and Janet Malone of New York Mills, Minn., say they got out of a farm stress retreat held a year ago by MeritCare Health System. The Malones were among 54 couples involved in three seminars. They were among 31 couples who attended reunion retreats in early November.

Dr. Val Farmer, a clinical psychologist and author on rural health issues, led both events.

Farmer, one of the region's most popular rural advocacy columnists, offers a new compilation of columns he has written since 1993. "Honey I Shrunk the Farm" is a wide-ranging collection of messages that help farmers in crisis "shrink" their farm problems in their consciousness.

Farmer's career in rural counseling and column-writing took off in the farm credit crisis of the early and mid-1980s. He started in the Huron, S.D., area and then moved to Rapid City, S.D. In the past few years, he has been in Fargo.

'Here we are again'

Most of this book's topics are about coping and farm stress during the 1996-97 winter and subsequent challenges.

"I didn't think I would have a second round of writing about farm stress in my lifetime," Farmer writes in the foreword. "Here we are again and, unhappily, the ending to this crisis is not over."

The Malones are trying to hang on to a farm that includes 300 acres of cropland and 80 head of cattle. They gave up their farm dream once in the 1980s and don't want to do it again.

Last fall, Janet Malone saw a notice about Val Farmer's retreat in her children's 4-H newsletter. They went because it was free and because they were looking for answers.

"Honest answers," David emphasized. "We were debating on putting the land in the (Conservation Reserve Program) and wanted to see what our options were from somebody that was unbiased."

Said Janet: "The retreat showed us some options to diversify, but it helped us unload the things that are going on in our lives that nobody really cares about back in the community. The community's attitude is that if you can't deal with it (financial stress), then get out of the business. I see it as not really a business, but a way of living -- for families to be together."

Making the payment

Since 1995, the Malones have been going backward on the farm.

"All the farm does is make the farm payment. There's no living money coming off of the farm," David said. "We borrowed $30,000 to put crops in this year and we'll be lucky to pay that off. I'm thinking we could reduce our equity again by $5,000 to $10,000."

To make ends meet, David shifted into full-time off-farm construction work. Since 1992, Janet had been a part-time cook at the school. This past fall, she went to Fergus Falls (Minn.) Community College to get a degree in social work or special education.

It's been a tough transition at ages 41 and 40 with four children, but one they say is worth it.

"The kids are at an age where (staying on the farm) is a lifestyle issue," Janet said. "Basically, I believe the rural area and the farm life is a good place to raise kids. I know my kids will never be able to come back and raise kids on a farm. I'm sad to see that we have to work in an industry or in a city to make a living."

Said David: "I think most of the people who came (to the retreats), from what I've gathered, were looking for answers on how to stay in farming."

Intensity

The Malones describe the retreats as intense. Retreat-goers get into discussing feelings that would be taboo back home.

"For me, it was a stretching thing," Janet said. "I'm not one to share my life. My attitude is that what's going on inside of me is for me to know.

"But you feel like it's such a relief. In a small farming community, you don't have support groups for people struggling with decisions on farm income."

In his book, Farmer also offers the possibility that the farmer might leave the farm.

"Leaving the farm or changing your farming operation doesn't make you a failure," Farmer tells one reader.

"It is making a change to meet your goals. It is a willingness to use your resources to further your goals. If you develop that kind of thinking, a whole world of choices opens up to you."